wow

another post in 24 hours. this is amazing.

what reminded me of writing last night was the sound of the sprinklers. and tonight, i'm watching "facing the giants" and again i hear the sprinklers.

every time i hear those sprinklers, i'm reminded of the post i wrote i don't know how many years ago. and every time i hear the sprinklers running in the night, i think of home and summer and hope.

i'm watching this movie, the state game at the end, and i am reminded again of God's goodness and strength. i'm getting chills. it's one of the reasons i love sports movies. "I'm preparing for rain." chills.

and the sprinklers are running. :P

catch-up

i just looked at my last entry and saw it was written more than a year ago. ouch. i guess this just shows how much i don't like to write. oh well. at least now i feel like writing for the first time in a long time.

since then a lot has happened. obviously. i'll try to start from where i last left off, but i make no promises in getting everything that has happened.

ok, so the last post was written in april. may came, summer began and summers at bju are so much more laid back than the school year that it really does take some people by surprise. but it is definitely nice. i got to go to charleston at one point, home to cali for two weeks, back to start my last year as a GA, went up to virginia beach to fulfill my role as a fairy godmother, and then before i knew it, the school year was back.

i think i will separate what has happened to me in several sections. 1. GA job 2. GA classes 3. extra-curricular 4. recital 5. future and i think that covers everything.

1. GA job. my last year of my scholarship contract started in the middle of june and i was a customer service rep for distance learning dvd department. that means i answered phones and answered questions about the dvd classes, etc. that job lasted for 4 months and i got the nickname sophie because sometimes when i laugh i squeak like a gerbil. and sophie was the name of a pet gerbil one of the ladies had. figures i get nicknamed after a pet.

then back-to-school season was over and they didn't have enough for me to do, so they transferred me to the print shop where they print all the books for the press. loved the hours. loved the people. loved the fact that there was actually something to do the entire time i was at work instead of waiting for people to call in. didn't like the fact that the job was repeating the same thing for several hours in a row. ugh. that's the closest i've ever come to a worst job. it was mind numbing work. i'm sure if my imagination was up to it, i could write stories in my head while at work and "escape" from the monotony. unfortunately, i'm not a writer. and all my attempts at it failed.

then after two months i got transferred to the job i'm currently working at. i almost cried when i found out i got transferred. then i was trained in my job and realized the relief was a little too soon. i love reading books and watching movies, two things that always get put down on my hobbies lists. but watching movies of converted homesat lessons from dvd to computer for the new online product is going a little far. right now i'm spending 40 hours a week watching for video cuts outs, audio drops, and lip sync problems. and now i'm finding that i have barely an interest in one of my two fave hobbies. grrr. couple that with the fact that if my mind or body is not actively involved in what i'm watching, then i start feeling sleepy in 15 minutes and start dozing off. not a good thing when i need to have my complete attention on the screen and some nasty video distortions can happen in one eye-lid droop or head bob. suffice to say, my boss has called me out on it several times and i am finding a greater appreciation for caffeine.

that is my current job. i will be done with that about a week into june.

2. GA classes. i *love* GA classes. well, i don't love the extra project i have to do to make some classes be technically more advanced, but i love them just the same. learning how to stretch oneself in one's field of study is just too cool. i got to perform a portion of t.s. elliot's wasteland, ps 18, slaughter of the suitors, electra, pride and prejudice, hamlet, all my sons, importance of being earnest, oedipus, king john, as you like it, and others i'm sure i'm forgetting. it was soooo much fun!!

3. extra-curricular. so, if my life wasn't busy enough in the fall, i gave myself a project. i finally got my ducks in a row and did a readers theater of c.s lewis's silver chair. what a long and complicated and involved story that is. by the end of the fall semester i had emailed and gotten a letter back from douglas gresham, the step-son of c.s. lewis and had to postpone my project and completely redo the script 6 times. the final show ended up being a "lecture" that i recorded on dvd. it was definitely a growing experience. and i would do it all again in a heartbeat.

my last semester i was in a play. :) finally! it was a non-speaking part, started after my recital was over, and i was also the stage manager and the costume mistress. i don't think costuming for a play has ever been more difficult. and it was confirmed that i do not sew well. i may be able to sew many more things than the average joe, but not well. i did have fun, though, watching the director and learning a non-bju way of directing.

4. recital. in the midst of rehearsals and script re-writes and trying to get my adaptation approved by the c.s. lewis estate for silver chair, i was also collecting info and writing my script for my recital. that script went through more than 10 different rewrites before i finally landed on an early version to what it ended up being. i started out wanting to have the Bible portion of esther be the backbone and it stayed that way. what i fought most over was how to keep the history of the story in. lots of tears, a sleepless night, and it was finally in almost in the nick of time.

then my last semester was the rehearsal for the performance, which was one of the first ones in the semester. i hit the ground running. i had to learn two accents, memorize an hour's worth of material and 40 days in which to do it. by God's grace and sovereignty it was done and i have the dvd to prove it. if you missed my recital, ask for a loan of a dvd and you can see it. when i was on-stage performing it, i have to tell you i have never had more fun in my entire life. it was a blast! and then it was over and i was bored until the play i was in really got under way.

5. future. ^_^ my fave topic. by God's grace, i will be working at disney world in florida as an intern for 5 months starting this august. at this point, all i know is that i start august 10th and i will be working in the attractions department helping with the rides or theater shows. i won't know till i get there what exactly i'll be doing, but i am super excited about it.

i would go into more detail, but i've already written a novel and my computer is running out of juice.

until next time. :P

A whole bunch of new happennings

Near the end of this second semester of officially being a grad student ^_^ I don't know where to start to explain the whirl-wind that has been my life.

All my classes are graduate classes and I *love* them!! I am *so* glad I didn't do the Interp major for a Bachelors because I would have stopped taking performance-based classes my sophomore year. Now, almost every class I have takes me further into the realm of stretching my skill and strengthening my talent. In one class right now, I am working on how a piece where the first-person narrator is an older fat Southern uneducated black woman realizing the difference between her slow, scarred younger daughter and her over-confident, educated, graceful older daughter as the older comes to visit for the first time in 15 or so years. To play it off convincingly I need to "become" a character I have no reference for.

On a different subject, last semester I was in default mode emotionally because I could not face the wreck and ruin of my heart. I realize now after seven months of being single how in love I was with my ex-boyfriend. After the break became permanent and he told me why, I continued to see him around campus and at church (we are both in the same choir). He would always smile and say "Hi" to me and I would give him a hurt and mostly scared expression in return. To add acid to the wound, he started dating a girl he counseled with almost two months after the break-up. Well, February 22nd was a momentous day for me because it was the first day since our break-up that I actually felt no pain when he passed by me and said "Hi". It was a literal miracle. I was light on my feet the rest of the day rejoicing that God brought me through that crucible. It was then that I was able to truly look at how deep the hurt was and how He has carried me through the entire thing.

Now, I am happy to say that I have not only gotten completely over my ex-boyfriend, but I have even been on a date with another boy. A non BJU boy. A boy who had only been inside the bubble once before I met him. Can you tell I'm smiling? And before you ask, Yes, he is a Christian. He took me out to dinner before we went to see Living Gallery together. Imagine my smile getting a bit bigger. I can barely contain the girly giggle that surfaces every time I think about it. We'll see if it actually goes further.

Subject 3: Recital. The thing that has been most on my mind lately is my grad recital I will have to perform next year. I am hoping to do a Jewish re-telling of the story of Esther. The Jews celebrate the Purim festival every year a month before Seder. And next year that day falls on March 9th which happens to be the day before Gold Rush Daze. Now, Purim is one of the most celebrated Jewish holidays and they have way too much fun (costume parties, booing and hissing when the story is told at Haman's name, etc.) so I figure if I have my recital that day before Gold Rush Daze, the students who come would be in a celebratory mood which would make the most out of the recital since I plan on having direct audience participation. I just need to decide if I really want to do that night or not. We'll see.

Subject 4: Next semester. This semester I had wanted to put on a Reader's Theater version of Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader. It didn't work out because I hadn't taken the class Staging Literature which I happen to be taking right now. Just this morning I was asking a teacher a question about something entirely different and the topic came up again about doing a Reader's Theater next semester (Fall 08). Well, if I can read the signs right, it might not only happen, but be a Dinner Theater production as well. Any more details I cannot give at the moment except to say I am totally stoked.

Well, I think I've procrastinated writing a handout for a class tomorrow long enough and I think I've divulged everything (at least the major subjects) that's going on in my life right now. If I get into a pensive or contemplative mood in the next two weeks, I'll try to post something instead of a rambling of my life's events :P

Till next time

Relief

I am sooo glad that paper is over.

My editor friend said I needed to make my paper flow a little better. So after I wrote my rant/hope-for-an-idea post, I believe I got inspiration from God to do a sort of lighthouse theme. I went back through my entire paper and put in little bits about how this was a lighthouse and that was a stumbling block and so on and so forth so that by the time I got to the conclusion, I had only a page and a half left to write. Then I just pulled in another two quotes from Tolkien and Lewis about how fantasy is a light or helps illumine something and I was done.

Did I mention I was rejoicing that the paper was over?

Conclusions

I have to write a conclusion now for a paper due tomorrow and have no idea where to start.

The paper is for a research class and the teacher has been teaching this class for years, so he knows what's good and what's not. It's supposed to be no less than 20pgs long and I'm now on pg 17. I don't know where to go from here.

So I figured rambling into space might help.

The paper is about the appropriateness of fantasy and how Christians should be discerning when wading through the books or movies in that particular genre. I look at the three authors almost anyone thinks of when they hear fantasy: J.R.R. Tolkien, C.S. Lewis, and J.K. Rowling. I walk through the definition of fantasy and myth, compare and contrast each of these authors, look a why kids are so attracted to the genre, give recommendations for authors and cautions against others.

Now I'm stuck. I don't know what to write. I have three more pages and I've hit a brick wall. This cannot happen to me now. I need to keep writing. I need to go to sleep soon, or lack of sleep will force me. I need to finish this now.

Unfortunately, no ideas have come to mind. By hook or by crook (i will avoid the crook part, i think)i will get this paper done.

I'll update when the ordeal is finally over.

which, btw, on a completely different note, I am now on facebook. come find me.

*the trumpet choir sings*

I'M IN!!!!!!!

I'm into the grad program to get my Masters in Speech Interpretation!

God is better and above all imagination. He has given me a chance at my dream - sharing my love of people and their stories - through learning how to tell stories better. I have a chance to give Him the fruit of my passion, my art as a living sacrifice for my lifetime worship of Him. He has given me a chance to offer praise for His unbelievable generosity, in telling the stories of people living their life in this wonderful world He created. There is no better way that I can think of that I can show others how truly loving and amazing He is. I'm running out of adjectives to describe my Almighty LORD.

And at this moment I cannot laugh hard enough for the tears running down my face in joy and wonder that my God loves me. He loves wretched me so much more than I can ever understand. At this time last night I was wondering why He let me fail again when I just wanted to show Him how much He meant to me and today He has proven, yet again, how much He cares for me.

Last Friday I had my audition, my platform, to get into the Masters program. To tell the truth, I was ready for a "Yes" or a "No": a decision. I didn't care a wit about one way or another because I knew God was good and He was in control. That afternoon I found out that I wasn't accepted into the program, but neither was I rejected. The committee wanted me to take the undergrad prerequisites and try again in December. So it wasn't a "Yes" or a "No", it was worse. It was "Maybe". It was "Wait".

I feel like I have been waiting my whole life.

I have been dreaming of my Prince Charming ever since I first saw Princess Bride and Sleeping Beauty when I was a kid. When I was thirteen I decided not to kiss any guy until the altar. So I waited for "Love's First Kiss".

I have been dating a guy seriously for the past three years and each year I kept telling myself, "Only two more years to wait. Only two more years to wait," as this guy turns more and more into my Prince Charming the more I learn about him. We broke up last week because it was still another "two more years" until anything could deepen between us. It is agony to wait, so when he told me he thought it would be best to break for right now, I was ready.

God gave me a gift that is him in that he never took advantage of me, but always honored me and our relationship. And it is only because of God that I can say I have no regrets and that I am better for knowing him. I am not a miserable wreck. I am able to be truly happy even though I am no longer dating him. Some day, I hope, my dream will come true and I will finally get "Love's First Kiss" by my Prince Charming. But right now it is hard to believe that dream.

Sometimes I feel sick to my stomach. Sometimes I wonder if my heart actually knows what has happened, or if I have buried it so deep that it cannot see how painful (when I'm honest with myself) this is. Sometimes I can shrug it off. And every time I try to look to my God because I know He is good and that He loves me and that He showers me with blessings if I can only open my eyes wide enough to see them and I try to trust that His plan is perfect.

So when I was told not "Yes," not "No," but "Wait" it was, in my mind, the worst possible thing I could have heard. "Yes" means that I am here at BJU for another two years getting my Masters. "No" meant I would go home after my contract is up in June and start moving on with my life. "Wait" I felt was just pushing off my future one more time so I could not reach it again.

This weekend has been miserable as I have tried to cope with what God was telling me. He told me to wait yet again and I was struggling to be happy and content with that. I love my God, but I was questioning why I had to wait longer, why I could not move forward but had to stay perfectly still and wait. Like I said before, I wondered why God let me fail to be able to show Him my passion and worship Him in it.

From the moment I learned this afternoon that "Wait" was "Yes" because there was some confusion, I could not stop smiling. The committee thought I could not be accepted into the program until the undergrad classes were taken care of when, instead, I could be accepted and start working on grad classes while taking those pre-req classes. Joy has been bubbling out of me as I tried all day to (unsuccessfully) contain my excitement.

I just now opened the official letter from the Dean of the School of Fine Arts and tears suddenly started pouring down my face while my heart laughed with utter emotion of inexpressible love and gratitude and amazement for my Father in heaven. I sank to my knees in worship that He would give me such a gift. My God loves me, that I know; and He is good, too, that also I know. Now I know without a shadow of a doubt that even though my heart may break in the act, even though I cannot see the smallest step in front of me, He is guiding me through this life. He makes certain my foot is always sure and that if I just trust that though only He can see the road, He will still lead me onward and won't let me stumble.

My God is good. My God loves me. And I now trust that He will direct my path perfectly.

:D

I met with that Chairman again (third time total) and did the scene just before Buttercup pushes the man in black down the ravine. He said I had really nice, clear characterization, I had good diction, Buttercup had a definite character, and from what he saw, he thinks I have potential.

Which means he told me to go ahead with the audition/platform AND even though we had only met a few times, he (since he is the Chairman) is going to waive two, if not all the pre-requisite classes I'm signed up for next semester.
He let me borrow a few books so I can catch up on some jargon that I would have learned in the classes he's waiving.

AND he is going to recommend to the Head of the department that I have the platform/audition at the end of the summer instead of the end of next semester.

AND he said that it would be pointless to prepare something that I won't be using in the future, BUT if I wanted to work on some of the pieces for my platform/audition, then he would be more than willing to work with me on them.

:D

I'm so excited!