As some of you faithful readers know, I finished up with school in December and have since moved on to other things, like poverty and unsatisfying jobs. Anyway I'd like to take a few moments to give my last goodbyes to various locations on the campus of my alma mater.
To the library: Thank you for providing a quiet, soporific atmosphere. Without your placid milieu my circadian rhythms would certainly have been thrown askew.
To the dining hall: Thank you for everything. I know sometimes things were rough between us, like the time I spit out the Hawaiian Chicken or all those times when I said nasty, cruel things about the meatloaf. And I know I bailed out on you many nights to go eat at the Pita House or Zaxby's or Chicora Alley, but I always came back to you. Those restaurants were just culinary flings, I never truly loved any of them. Over the years, you've become a part of me. Literally, I mean. My digestive system broke down the foods you gave me and absorbed the nutrients, fueling my cell production. The chicken broccoli bake has made me who I am today. Of course, I don't want to ruin the mood or anything, but in the future, as I eat food elsewhere and my cells reproduce themselves, eventually I will be composed of entirely new cells, none of which will have been fueled by Dining Common food. So I guess you won't be part of me forever. Still, thanks for the times you've given me--the memories are all in my mind. Now that we've come to the end of our rainbow...well, never mind.
To my dormitory room: I hate you. I hope you're ravished by a fire.
To the science building: See my parting words to the library.
To my office: I'm sorry for constantly leaving you in a state of fire hazard, what with the scented candles burning right next to the thousands of papers, bills, quizzes, and notes littering every flat surface in the office. I'm also sorry for being so cold and distant and repeatedly refusing to come visit you during my scheduled office hours. Please don't take it personally. I hope that the last 7 hours straightening and cleaning out the office has been good bonding time for us.
Well, that's it. It certainly provided a sense of closure to get that all off my chest.
Posted by jonsligh at May 29, 2007 02:44 AMwhat? no dedication to the furman library or denny's? they were practically a part of your campus according to how you lived during those days. certainly the donkey girl sculpture saved your office from becoming engulfed in flames. that sculpture saved lives.
Posted by: andrea at May 29, 2007 10:36 AMWhat about creamed eggs and chili with spagetti noodles? Ah the memories. :)
Posted by: Kat at May 30, 2007 08:47 AMbeautiful.
Posted by: mgemb at May 31, 2007 01:00 AMYou are so disrespectful, Jon. The Dixon-McKenzie is better off without you!
Posted by: Dean R at June 29, 2007 12:51 PMHi, I'm the new English GA in your old office...which has a extensive collection of literature for having received its final farewells from you. Please let me know how I can get your old books to you. Thanks!
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