c u p p e n r o o d

I'm listening: "Do Not Take It

Personally.
It is not
about you."

Sean Daily Twitters—New episode BST 241: The Attack-Defend Cycle and The Second Agreement http://ow.ly/16rMTI

I listen.

"Be willing to accept criticism from your superiors." "It's never about you, it's always about them." "Every once in a while you are going to offend them."
"We are, as a race, we are ruled by our egos. They tend to be our best friend, but they're actually our worst enemies." "Your ego is not you." "One of the moments is when your ego is completely decimated." "When your ego is shrunken, you have the greater ability to escape it." ". . . or it's destroyed for you—divorce, death . . . ." "It's the whole thing about attachment." "Keep your word." "Don't take things personally." "You are emotionally invulnerable." "I think a worthy goal is to be unflappable." "Another time your ego goes away is when you are in the Zen of the moment." "If you can actually be present in the moment, your ego goes away." "Being conscious of it and making it other."

Business Success Tips.org

I wonder what compassion has to do with this, if anything?
Is compassion volitional?

"You know, there are no absolutes in life."

Can we speak for ourselves if this is believed? Who will hear us, and what would we say? May we be absolute by existence? Is that not what our behavior seems to prove: "I am absolute. You are absolute. So do not take it personally. It is not about you, it is about me." This is confusing if considered and very clear if considered. It's both sides of us. Which, I believe, is SAME.

"So I wouldn't really say that this emotional void is the answer."

I think, Why want to be God, the absent, in this way?
Why would we want to emotionally wilt another person?

Perhaps the danger is not Ego so much as it is how and where we wear it. Ego is Vanity, isn't it? Ego is the vain place, the shallow part of self-adoration. But we cannot out-love or out-destroy the deep one, the absent Present. The Holy that is simply Worthy. Is our speaking of Ego another sales-speak trend to consider our Lives valuable, temporal, and so treat each other with dignity, hurting less and less and staying, God helping, out of debt to ourselves? Is Ego a speech talk to avoid The Holy that is simply Worthy? Worthier than SAME?

"We can only make others poor," I thought, I must examine this, but with what? My Ego? With my enlightened state? With help and thanks to God, named absent (by my awareness) to speak up? Do I trust the greater humility in speaking, and why am I challenging SAME, except I feel strong worth? And, to what, to Whom will my worth be allowed to take shape?

"That which you give, you must also take."
I agree with this.

"But that's the problem. We have to get the hell over ourselves."
I understand that.

Is agreement satisfaction? Life? Persuasion? Dignity? Resolution? Healing? In a marriage and family, maybe. Is Worthier satisfaction? Life? Persuasion? Dignity? Resolution? Health?

Isn't it odd that SAME cannot reach SAME.

Today, my death choice was eating an entire bag—four helpings worth—of chocolate truffles. No one else's self-love or enlightened life will inform mine that I chose death in eating those. At some point after I had bought them, I crossed a line from pleasure and life to excess and death. My body will pay, my metabolism will have to be the abused workhouse of my own hand's feeding, in my having chosen to consume so much. A similar analogy could be used for purchasing guns or condoms or steak or lottery tickets or checking the locks. What begins as pleasure, good intent, can at some point, of our/my own choice become death or life to us/me.

Who are/am we/I serving? I must choose. SAME (ego, etc.) must choose to listen to SAME.

Does our/my Ego stop us/me?

Does our/my Enlightened state give us/me pre-knowledge of the balances (of myself and of you and of God), without having read umpteen years of articles about health and success and relationship? Without having my religious freedoms threadbare by their existence, my failed humanity exposed, a failed love exposed in ideals that have something, but not quiet.

I realize that energy is a precious commodity, but who is to say how it is to be used? Who is to tell me who to serve? Who is to tell you, "You may go," or "Buy this, you will not regret it," or "You cannot know why, but I will lead (love?) you. You are not leading (loving?) yourself."

Who will we trust, if not our born ego that we(?) coach to LISTEN to that Greater Humility that shows in literal ways that our backs are watched and our paths lighted? Is Ego WE?

Words and speech are far more than Ego, and listening is Life to some. Have a doctor give that a name, and it may be accepted by the Ego-driven caretakers of all of us.

I exemplify "attack-defend" here, but do you not see? Who will we trust if not the deeper trust given from God's greater humility? And may we give God a name without having to defend ourselves? I loathe self defense, which is partly why I do not take part. Life is hostile in my experience of it, and I am ashamed to say so, feeling my lack of love and trust, and feeling like a failure to be strong anyway, to keep giving regardless of how it feels, the "Ego" which seems to be what tells me I am alive to desire and mocked at the same time by ignorance or weak heart.

Being solitary and a writer at this point in time, I will continue to embrace this task, at least today, as a part. Though my energies appear opposing, they are constructing a walkway for me. It is thought which takes me places.

And I find things as I build, snails, like these:
Sin at birth? Perhaps Ego? Perhaps we are merely self-appointing rest to the self-defending child who was never convinced love was real, thieving as it went. Death is believable, because it is evidenced. Life, though—Life is not to be believed. It seems to be personality and cost and produce and profit and the rare heroic sound that is taken down by dissenters who hear with different ears. What of suffering, or should we not speak of that. Should we not look to see who has done it, and how dare they be divine?

Actually, as I write, I see that we should not create our own suffering. Perhaps that is what is meant by all this talk of Ego. Control yourself. Renew your mind. You may live and recover.

I think, however, of those tempted to suicide, of those not aspiring to profit, of those grown around the ingrown. Oppression does not realize its magnetism, at first, and when realized, its Truth and Consequence is something greater than another's Enlightened replacement or recovery.
Oppression and Ego are not one, and silence is not always friendly to Life.
Oppression may go away, but Ego remains, licking the shards of its absent success, having drawn oppression in some form, either competitive or consumable. Abolish Ego, and we are all saved. But by Whom? I would not save myself. I cannot afford any of you for long or myself forever. What of that?

I am only a proud woman keeping herself in a house, fearing the power of weak people skills to work successfully in a team of people for their good and her good. Do not mind me. I only write, without awareness of you or Haiti or the neighbor who will not talk to me, or the rules of a society that I am usually at odds with, terrified of their robbing every part of my understanding and worth.

A life can be restated to be nothing, you know.
I need fresh air.

B281. We Use Signs

to move people around.

When

that is not needed,
We don't use

signs.

Moving people is not don't.

When that We

signs.
around

When needed,

use signs.

The beauty is

it all comes back.

Why else would we dream
we are naked in the busy street.

B280. Clamps

I wood

knot be

free of

]re[ volition

two turn

on a dame

unheard

"You are the most miserable person
I know, and I hope never to meet you."

A tree will not say this.
A flower will not say this.
Car may.
Phone may.
A fish will not say this.
A mortician will not say this.

The earth will not speak its thoughts of you
or your misery, incomprehensible as
its survival. The earth is too sick
to speak our misery. Its
God-mind simply
blooms and

cramps
its own
private way.

Unaware we
cry, and smile
at the flowers we

harvest from God's
dying resurrected mind.

How many times

at 2AM did I
stand cutting
my hair to Peter
Pan.
Great locks
of hair, my own
Delilah, while the
foxes' tails
burn e d up the woods.

1, 9, 2, 8, 3, 7, 4, 6, 5

I would love

a conversation

about the taste of white chocolate
Lindt truffle on a 15 grain locally baked
bread, heated on power setting 8
for 12 seconds.

Let's talk about that.

And wine,
before dinner.

B278. 20 days and counting

brain cells exiting
Egypt migraines
as Nile peering
pressured to reverse
Of itself.

Does a headache harvest anything at all
after 20 days?

B277. Belonging

i get an implant.

they remove a lung.

he exceeds expectations.

she relinquishes life.

i sit and stare.

we measure years.

B276. Today Garrett

showed me I was
not in a box of grown technology.

I was assured, and leaning hand on warm-chair meeting met another warm

hand, solitary as my own—the power block, square
as lying.

But that's okay.
It really is. Delete. Delete.

Backspace.

Perhaps all that is changed is my perceptions,
the tech knowledge of me. May i say that?

Out of date, golden as the field is dull
without a fire to crackle the bones

I am.

Yes,
I do miss myself. And all you know of me is what I write.

That is all that I know, too.

B275. I search

closets. The doors
hang.
I walk streets. The curbs
run.
I climb those trees. They stand
still.

We search
where. Stand on
doors.
We climb streets. Picking
earth.
We still hang. Searching.

Consequence of unbelief - wrung

i.
devalues
consequence of belief.

Unbelief accepts wholly one truth—Death
runs to it, clawing Its way toward each underscored
disaster in the created laws of earth, matter, and eternal substance

abuse[]

One Belief transfers Life through, beyond, in spite of, overthrowing Death's powers in our physical understanding.

ii.
devalues
consequence

Unbelief
runs
disaster

abuse[]

One

iii.
devalues
belief.

Death
underscored
substance

abuse[]

understanding.

iv.
devalues
of.

accepts wholly one truth—
to it, clawing Its way toward each
in the created laws of earth, matter, and eternal

abuse[]

Belief transfers Life through, beyond, in spite of, overthrowing Death's power in our physical

B274. cave dwellers

get spongey.

my heart feels the hand of my mother's mom, holding
mine soft, both soft in the car.

My mother's hand soft,
Dad's holding hers rolling down to

Grandmother's heart carving sponges.

Flesh Is The Ceiling

of God.
Christ Is The Sealing of
man.

When disaster strikes

all one can do is count.

I deactivated my status

and lost everything
i had ever written, precious time

combing, breathing the soul's satiate layers.

Everything time layers
and i, combing, lost ever had,

satiate breathing, the soul's.

In finding nothing, everything tickles again, tendril
loves respond to more than themselves. The Drawer of

go bloom in the begun sun

God knows what

will be

. , .

k W W

b

G k w
.
W
,
b
.

If you go some

where would she?

Go—when
it counts will
be.

adverbs are spoons and crackers, appliances of quakers
mimicking hairy, wild-eyes science, subjunctive
chess.

if some where when . . . will?
?—. , , , . . . . ?

When there is nothing else to say, repeat the punctuation
and talk about typography. poetry. topography. technology and nothing.

I crave the mesh of tendrils. Only nothing

brings it back.

B273. am up

set to find
you dead

voices history blocked

water's deliverance.

am up

set to find you

dead voices history

blocked water's

deliverance.

up set you
to find am dead
history
water's voices blocked

deliverance.

Faith, prewritten
substance, deliver my blood.

B272. Some nights

in 41, we slept years, guessing what
we could not know, romantic war, wondering
weather we should look to see
tomorrow's rain, for
ever more we'd wake

and might, not recalling

dreams
ignorance

will

not watch, for even a night,
the evils borne to us in the day, and coming
morning surely brings relief on lifted stones,
our pillows reticence, reticence to dream alive,
sleeping peace.

B271. Tomorrow new

a lesser known
would be Today(')s(,) after
shock.

Is our commune
electricity, space to spacing status
pulling out our centers, earth's electric core?

The older

I become, I realize
I will have to walk away from the young
woman questioning me.

I become, I realize.
I will have to walk away from
the young woman questioning me.

how much, how futile

I felt sick to see how much was left devalued, blindly so (the photos in the drawer
strangers to their owner; or maybe no family to bury their owner who left them).
How futile the last energies were, to motivate themselves in papers and furniture writings.

B270. metronome

metro

no
me

metro
gnome.

metro
know
me

me
-tron
-ome.

B269. Repentance wais insistent on

deep ditches, digging archeology to redeem
the buried city, catastrophic memory. I sweated old
words in an empty room, above ground.

Redemption brought me away, quite free
from dusting artifact, promotion, the judgment of God.

repentance simply asked, the Early Light returned
in Jesus Christ. And Christ—Being Who He Is—brought
me to God for blessing. Insistent blessing. That was all.

B268. The full beat: an examination—1

is satisfying in
music. Held
for the value of the full beat.

is beat satisfying
full in
the music of held for value the.

is the beat
value satisfying
for full held in of the music.

is music the
the beat
of value in satisfying held for full.

is full music
for the
held the satisfying beat in of value.

is value full
of music
in for beat the held satisfying the.

is the value
satisfying full
held of the music in beat for.

is for the
beat value
in satisfying music full the held of.

is of for
held the
the beat full value music in satisfying.

is satisfying of
in for
music held value the full the beat.

is beat satisfying
the of
full in the for value music held.

is held beat
music satisfying
value the for of the full in.

is in held
full beat
the music of satisfying for value the.

is the in
value held
for full satisfying beat of the music.

is music the
the in
of value beat held for satisfying full.

is full music
satisfying the
for the held in beat of value.

is value full
of music
beat satisfying in the held for the.

is the value
for full
held of the music in beat satisfying

B267. her smile was

then, and now lights

the patterns of her face remembered

the morning I saw her drawing back the afternoon kitchen

jars of rinds, staged firm and sweet for

friends, winters.

Friends, winters then,
and now lights—jars of rinds, staged firm and sweet for the patterns of her
face remembered, the morning I saw her
drawing back the afternoon kitchen.

B266. HEAL

Their Land.

B265. SINS

And Will.

B264. WILL

Forgive Their.

B263. FROM

Heaven, And.

B262. SHALL

I Hear.

B261. WICKED

Ways, Then.

B260. TURN

From Their

B259. FACE

And Shall.

B258. SHALL

Seek My.

B257. AND

Pray, And.

B256. SHALL

Humble Themselves.

B255. BY

My Name.

B254. WHO

Are Called.

B253. IF

My People.

B252. meandering through

NEW ENTRY

Draft
Publish

SAVE

B251. Not until i hear the sigh

over the steel drums, do I realize
what this day is about.

I'm on it.

B249. too much water

in the best beans

can dilute nutrients.

since i do not want to live.

the better ones around me do.

and i make god's judgment heavier by dying

slow. if there were any scrap of beauty in a thing, it is not mine, was never mine. someone else named me and treated me and assured i was me, killed every other part. i am pleased to be as disgusting as a sore-less, plastic manufactured, twist-tied doll, fallen from a freight truck on the highway or the railway or the no way we can afford that, so this way live. this way live dead. now, stay and spew god questions till you're mad enough to pull your own trigger, since he didn't make you what you are.

B248. Transformation

is of and about God,

but if I am authentically

of and about God,

the point is moot that I must be

of and about you,

which i do not want to be.
i have lived my God-life-walk
in light of every other living thing
and by the tongue-lashings of my peers,
to my loathing of them and hatred of myself,
and utter distrust of the Most Holy—pure, trustworthy, good
in the universe—God Himself by Jesus Named.

B247. conformity

will have nothing
to do with anyone else's
discipline.

I loathe the word conformity,
and its embarrassing spotlight, Solomon's wisdom
in my ear, "Nothing new, nothing new of you."

B246. i disagree

that a part of

speech will damn me;

yet,
it does, as jots and tittles expose

arranged pillows.

Know thy God and walk humbly

with Him.

B245. My scarf is hot

though loose around my neck
the blue broad loops,

chenille Time Stops
writing, Now we die

a little
more.

B244. The Itsy Bitsy

spied her getting off the bus
on 34th, the year she realized

she would have
to live like she

was and like it. There
were no other lines

wanting
her.

B243. Exuding

far more energy
than took to make them soiled,

the old washing machine
agitates the clothes, and beeps

loud, flat-nose sound to say,
"Done."

B242. I turn over

shells to see which
are clean enough
for stringing.

B241. Manipulating worlds

like poetry isn't,
and God was,
and never is.

What foolishness, words
ignoring innuendo, thought
propelling manipulation

of matters outside
what was
before, the person

of you.
Echos are only echos after
everyone has gone.

B240. reply

upon seeing Masaru Kurose's paintings online in the George Lawson Gallery http://www.rfprfp.com/artists/m_kurose.html

I just looked at them again, and it seems that a
painter might be able to "say" things in line paint on
trapped space that would be refused without
shadows.

I painter trapped shadows.

a on without shadows.

just looked at them again, and it seems that
might be able to "say" things in line paint
space that would be refused.

just might space.

that paint refused.

looked at them again, and it seems
be able to "say" things in line
that would be.

looked be that.

seems line be.

at them again, and it
able to "say" things in
would.

at able would.
it in would.

them again, and
to "say" things.

them to.

and things.

again, "say".

B239. Thank You For The Sun

in the shadows of the moon,

I can see

tomorrow's there

all ready.

B238. Can I Be

warm enough for an avocado tree?

Tropical

enough to be
the bark and bones
of the foaming sea?

In my potted place may I

grow the tree of a tropic sky?

Guacamole mush myself, dip
and crisp a steaming shelf
in salt and brine?

May I warm and sunny be

delicious fruit—an avocado tree?

B237. The Stars May

know where. they are space
in between like. Michelin

tires

go in ground. round to lights
that change their.

intervals

slowly. far

away we are. able

to blink years in. their seconds
If.

they were coming

toward. us

their names
would be. ours.

know. w[here]
theyears are space in between. like
Michelin tires go in. ground
round to lights that change. theassimilated before
intervals. slowly
far away we. are
able to b[link] years. in
theassimilated before seconds. If
theyears were coming. toward
us theassimilated before names would. be
ours

___________________________________________________
Gog || Michel (Eyquem) de Montaigne (b.1533 - d.1592), French Essayist. || Andre (b.1853 - d.1931) and Edouard (b.1859 - d.1940) Michelin, French industrialists. Founded Michelin tire company in 1888. Known for pneumatic tires on automobiles. || 1533 - stars || 1533 - genes http://amigo.geneontology.org/cgi-bin/amigo/term-details.cgi?term=GO:0008633&session_id=55amigo1262621072

The Un-evidenced life

is still

powerfully affecting our world,

to the same degree the most potent
show of resolve, endeavor, discipline
evidences personal awareness.

B236. The lip of the world

is the wind of God
pouting snow on a mountaintop.
I would like to climb so I might
turn the corners of the mouth to the sun's
smiling laughter running back down
the straw of our
gravity, holding me to the mountain,
drawing back the level walking, holding waters

of our thirst.

Climb the wind's lip, adjust, focus, recognize

their parting, where the sounds make song.

B234. The pot

snuffles its burdens
sifting its gifts, and we

clear our throats in
cream and sugar-black

mornings. "I'd rather pick
flowers instead of fights,"

says Mr. Owl. Yes,
wouldn't we?

B233. if you don't

know what you're doing,

you're doing

what you're doing.

B232. Longing: to play the saxophone

the Brought out—bent air climbing line's flattened reed-lovers
may be another for the love
to well bent fingers happy
Out—The Paths

B231. Longing: to play the saxophone

Paths

fingers
of
lover

again
of
air

Bringing

B230. Longing: to play the saxophone

Bringing brought out happy air

climbing moistened flattened reed-mine,

may be mine

for the Longing

to play the saxophone well

bent
fingers
climbing
out—
the
brought

B229. Longing: to play the saxophone

The Paths bringing brought out Bent Fingers' happy

air
Climbing

lines of moistened flattened reed-lovers, lover mine,

may
be

another again for the love of Longing to play the saxophone well

bent
fingers

happy air climbing out—the paths Bringing brought.

I Samuel 2:1-10 - text (ESV)

Hannah’s Prayer

1 And Hannah prayed and said, "My heart exults in the LORD; my strength is exalted in the LORD. My mouth derides my enemies, because I rejoice in your salvation. 2 "There is none holy like the LORD; there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God. 3 Talk no more so very proudly, let not arrogance come from your mouth; for the LORD is a God of knowledge, and by him actions are weighed. 4 The bows of the mighty are broken, but the feeble bind on strength. 5 Those who were full have hired themselves out for bread, but those who were hungry have ceased to hunger. The barren has borne seven, but she who has many children is forlorn. 6 The LORD kills and brings to life; he brings down to Sheol and raises up. 7 The LORD makes poor and makes rich; he brings low and he exalts. 8 He raises up the poor from the dust; he lifts the needy from the ash heap to make them sit with princes and inherit a seat of honor. For the pillars of the earth are the LORD’s, and on them he has set the world. 9 "He will guard the feet of his faithful ones, but the wicked shall be cut off in darkness, for not by might shall a man prevail. 10 The adversaries of the LORD shall be broken to pieces; against them he will thunder in heaven. The LORD will judge the ends of the earth; he will give strength to his king and exalt the power of his anointed."

The Transformation of Emmaline Jude

She tied his hair to the cloud and went bald, scraped

her face flying out through the chimney smoke, seeing the place

he was; the place he was so she can see

the place you are.

B228. How many houses

plow into the sea,
take their motors and
plow into the sea?

How many farms sink

up from the table,
push their chairs back and
sink up from the table?

How many beds

whisk out through the wall,
cover rumpling stiffs and
whisk out through the wall?

How many roots

insist on themselves,
dreams in their life-press
insist on themselves?

How many of us

will climb from below,
up from the sinking,
climb up from below,

float out of the house
rise up from the farm
grown all from seeding,

climb up from below.

B227. holly dance

Careful moving through
glossy pin-pointing leaves red
berries holding nests.

Almost breath

air, light

Psalm 92 text

1 It is good to give thanks to the LORD, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; 2 to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night, 3 to the music of the lute and the harp, to the melody of the lyre. 4 For you, O LORD, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy. 5 How great are your works, O LORD! Your thoughts are very deep! 6 The stupid man cannot know; the fool cannot understand this: 7 that though the wicked sprout like grass and all evildoers flourish, they are doomed to destruction forever; 8 but you, O LORD, are on high forever. 9 For behold, your enemies, O LORD, for behold, your enemies shall perish; all evildoers shall be scattered. 10 But you have exalted my horn like that of the wild ox; you have poured over me [a] fresh oil. 11 My eyes have seen the downfall of my enemies; my ears have heard the doom of my evil assailants. 12 The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. 13 They are planted in the house of the LORD; they flourish in the courts of our God. 14 They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, 15 to declare that the LORD is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.

B226. I do not know, except

it is habit. That
is my only explanation
for keeping still close,
observing who she is;
so That she remains as
She is—distanced some.

I do not know Accept—
habitual straws I draw
in lots offered by myself,
Because. I never learned to count
by sight, facts
of you.

B225. Shift gears and

hopefully, oxygen will
allow blood to muscles,

heart,

brain may do as it is
one of one shifting.

B224. Estratest

clamps accelerator.

Blue
Blue
Blue
Blue
Blue
Blue
Blue
Blue
Blue
Blue
Blue
Blue
Bleu

the can do serendipity
is the change needed as
she goes.

B223. Cracker Jacks

would be the picture taste
of smiles, caramel crunch
of peanuts, paper treat in
side.

B222. One loves

during lunar eclipse,
solar flares,
sun stroke.

I will read
(my Bible)
again,

and again,
he will read
two me, focusing

dual site
singular,
plural,

shared.

B221. Bingeing Began

Dark rectangles
changed-cy Lindtersatz
circles replicated pink
rectangles caves
and tombs melt liquid

Hunger-clapped killing,
kitchens coiled cold,
replicates insistent
Jell-O tombs filled
liquid Western

woman newly
ever southern
safely marred in
comforts only
ate from dark rec-
tangles once when

funds
were
scarce.

41 makes
10 dollars awake,
sale 2, then
4 bags Lindt
chocolate truffles eaten by Mostly 1

hand's 2- to

3-day grasp.

17 impounded circles

Since May
is 4
us.

B220. To express

negative

is to speak

exits
as milk

is to process

itself
Cheese

with

grapes.

B219. So long as

this is my life, how

could I
possibly
want

another?

So long

as this is
my life,
how could I

want another?

B218. You know what's silly?

It's silly to be sad
about not wanting to do
something.

It's silly to be
sad about not wanting
to do something.

It's silly
to be sad about
not wanting to do

something. It's silly
to be sad about not wanting
to

do something. It's
silly to be sad
about not wanting

to do something.
It's silly to be sad about not
wanting.

B217. Because

it is the only place

I am sure that I

secured, at least

a few times in this body.

Pray didn't make friends

stay. Only made

me last a little while

longer. (As though I do not yet recognize
that my heart beats From One Who
gives me time with you.)

Thank you, cat, for sharing my coffee. I'll make more.

B216. It will go

Back to Tony.

Wood, Hay, Stubble
on the chin
are my whiskers

so temporal,
tweezing every cent, symbol
to mean

What I Crave?

B215. troubled punch

Several whiles ago, a chandelier
was newly found, placed
by a Father in the daughter's room—Ruth.

Several weeks ago, a chandelier
was searched for, overpriced
by an Owner needing money in hand—Tony.

"Take it home," he said, "and see if
it can be fixed. I'll take $140.00
for it."

Several days ago, the chandelier
was relinquished, the price dickered
down to $50.00. "Sold," Tony said, but later realized I was searching

for something different than an old chandelier. He said, "Don't take it if
you can't use it and it doesn't work. It was overpriced to begin with."
I agreed, reluctant and relieved. But I think of Ruth and her finding

her chandelier
for her room several whiles
ago when her father hung
it for her. The room
was transformed, crystal prisms
and filament
fairy light.

She is married with a husband and sons.
She is cancer-changed and brighter than
anything I could find and hang or light
to remind me of her being What a love—a Lover
must, to remain a lover after so much changing.

She has always been a lover, Tim, her best friend knows.

I would like the candelabra, the Father's light in my room.
I have $50.00, but lighting candles hung From the rafters
will not keep another friend From dying.

B214. From a place

of fulness write

the holly stem in the small-filled glass,
the double corks in the bottle-caps' stash.
11:38AM Monday 14, 2009.

B213. The neighbors (in progress)

Dressed badge stuck on the Christmas tree, I sit with the name From. ______________________________My sweater after [I] put it on Unable To leave the house Alpine Way is long and cold, Dark with neighbors Five Open Houses Go replied To Go, received a happy name. Tag did not, Go not wanting To._______________________________________Walk alone if [I] were single, Would Have Gone, think Were, not A Christian in Greenville, [I] Would Have Gone. think [I], because I am married, because I am Christian [—/no—]Because, I AM. [me]Because, A coward. To Go alone. Why did I not/ask the neighbors beside me, Why did I not think to go along with them?/[[I must begin thinking like a single, and I must begin thinking like A non-Christian/]]caught up in the joys of being/down here in the streets/where we live./I don't know how to be neighborly/without____________________________being/homeless./long and cold and dark cliche/just/go _________________together./I know Jesus/is here, because both light/and dark are unto Him./I want light,/but maybe, I just want to be able/to see Jesus,/and the inside/of the neighbors' houses/that were open thirty minutes ago,/I_______________am/such_______________________an/idiot./]] Had I arranged in a friendly way with a neighbor/to go tonight, I would have still dreaded the event. It would have been like/laboring without a joy child. Dear God, Jesus Christ, why am I A stillbirth?/You/are so hard/to face, you people./Just/Like/Me./I_________________ cannot/and do not stand/facing_______________ myself./I cannot face/you and know what I am./I am only you./And you are A stranger./Again,/Jesus Christ,/what is this with my name on it stuck to the Christmas tree?

B212. The Thing About The Christ Child Is

me.
He was a child,
like I was. He is not a back door
all days I have known—days He likes number along
with me. I like He will note science in way, duration of heartbeats, pleasure
in hair changes, unlike warring. He did not war, and
does not war, for He is done in
His surrender
one
death for me.
He is a front door horizon path
Sun Shade. He is not darkness—is no darkness in
Him,
for light and dark are, both alike, unto Him.

one, one, one
two
three
four
seven
eight
nine, nine
ten, ten, ten
fourteen
89.

me.
one
Him
His surrender
death for me.
He was a child,
He is a front door horizon path
does not war, for He is done in
like I was. He is not a back door
for light and dark are, both alike, unto Him.
all days I have known—days He likes number along
in hair changes, unlike warring. He did not war, and
Sun Shade. He is not darkness—is no darkness in
with me. I like that He will note science in way, duration of heartbeats, pleasure.

B211. House Grafts

Corner tree grafts itself partial into the house.

Basement ceiling shadows barbed wire, crossed Christmas lights.

Sound of plastic boxing goes on under the limbs where the cats tussle.

As I write now, all I am able to do is feel. Imagery, imagery, where have you gone?

Assembly of wires
in the limbs of the pole
colored for coding little papers
largest on the bottom, progressing
smaller as ascending boughs
approach the jingling star.
July Christmas come,
your saline waves
over milk
ages.
Did you name
the cow? Or, nameless,
does it wander as Peace attends
the stomaching of meadows
grazed, lowing, seeing
slow and square
the pastures
watered
stream.

All manner o f Peace has a name. God's
Kindred, Christ Jesus the Lamb.