a soul disquieted

i don't know why. i don't understand. my soul is in a quandry. where is God? why isn't he here? why can't i be still and know he is God?

then i knew.

i can't pray anymore. my heart is so far. i have become dependant on

myself,
family,
boyfriend,
chapel,
church.

my soul is parched. help me, Lord. keep me focused.

come to me and ask about my relationship with HIM.
if you are here, or not here,

pray.
confront.
challenge.
love.

i need accountablility. but everytime i find a partner, i skip or we never get together for that promised cup of coffee to talk about the state of our devotions.

this is a open-heart moment. i don't do this often or enough. admiting sin. requesting help. showing myself weak. swallowing pride.