why don't we
(Christians)
ask the hard questions?
talk about hard things?
admit hard things?
Happy Thanksgiving!
--a poem
the day before Thanksgiving Day,
my uncle blew his Brains Away.
Happy Thanksgiving.
--kumiko
last night the girls in my room
were joking about suicide, giggling about
how much better it would be
to go to heaven right now.
they didn't want to study.
i hid in my bunk
and pulled down a secret picture of my pastor
that stays hidden between
Christopher Marlowe and Arthur Miller.
my pastor didn't think suicide was a joke.
he thought it was serious.
and now he is gone.
and that is hard.
i thought of my grandma
who lived with us
until i was eight.
and then she
overdosed.
on purpose.
and now she is gone.
and not to heaven.
and that is hard.
my uncle.
the one in the poem.
was a chaplain.
was a friend.
used a gun.
and now he is gone.
and that is hard.
a girl at school last week.
her daddy killed himself, too.
and i'm praying for her.
a lot.
three of those
now gone people
were godly.
respected.
and no one ever suspected.
why?
because
there are some things
we do not
can not
talk about.
some things that are never said.
and those things.
can kill a person.
what things are those?
things that hurt.
things that hurt so deep,
you are afraid to know
that you're the one who thought them up.
and you don't have an answer.
and you can't admit to the
smug-smiling
pew-person next to you.
because you don't know him.
so you keep it inside.
because you're taught
that Christians are supposed to have
all the answers.
but you don't have an answer.
and you don't know that
nobody answers hard questions but God.
and if you can't answer those questions yourself,
and quote three verses about it, too,
then you are not a good Christian
or if you hurt so much
that you happen to lie awake at night
and scream at the ceiling
that there can't be a God,
then you can't be a good Christian.
because good Christians don't ask questions don't feel pain this bad don't doubt.Posted by stephanie at November 4, 2003 03:21 PM
you will
never know
how much
this means
to me.
Neil was 15, I was 17.
We played soccer together. He was
the biggest clown ever. He was
a Grace Brethren. I couldn't even
cry at his funeral. That's how
drained I was. maybe the answers are
because we're afraid (or unloving and uncaring)
because we're proud (or cowardly or unchristlike)
because we're defensive (or skittish or isolated)
Sounds familiar.
There are frightening things that happen to people during a lifespan that dig deep into their stomachs and doesn't let them rest, ever.
And you'd rather eat a pile of glass then have it haunt you anymore. You'd give up your hands. Or your sight.
The truth however is, we serve the Hopeful God.
Who was the Man of Sorrows in our place, so we don't have to bear these things head over heels into Hell.
Battling the Unbelief of a Haughty Spirit
(from Piper)
"One very practical way to cultivate the atmosphere of humility and faith in the family and the church is to express personal need for God when you pray.
"You may say that you pray that way in secret. I thank God if you do. But I appeal to you for the sake of love and for the sake of truth that in your prayers with others you not conceal the very heart of faith. If we don't hear each other pray brokenhearted prayers of personal need and desperation, our fellowship will be superficial, the humility of faith will stifled, pride will lurk at the door, and we will become a self-deceived, sick church.
"O what a ministry to my spirit when I pray with saints who express with words their earnest need for God, and their longing for his help in their own lives.
"How many there are who have convinced themselves that to pray out loud for others is loving and to pray out loud for themselves is selfish. I believe the truth is just the opposite: it's pride not self-lessness that takes the beautiful aroma of brokenhearted faith out of our prayer meetings. So I plead with you, if for no other reason than the ministry to my heart, let your desires for God's help and God's fulness be heard when we pray together!"
http://www.desiringgod.org/library/sermons/88/121888.html
(i'll put this on jbo's too.)
Posted by: joy at November 5, 2003 09:48 AMcheck out joy's piece at effigy.
very pertinent
thanks for your thoughts, stephanie. this whole subject of asking hard questions and speaking about our hurts and our desperate need for the Lord's help has been something that has been on my mind very much lately.
it is such a comfort to me that other people also recognize the necessity to vocalize our human insufficiency and our need for dependency upon the Lord.
thanks for the encouragement!
Please note: Comments will not appear immediately. Your comment will appear upon approval by the blog's editor. We had to implement this to decrease the amount of spam that our site receives. Please forgive the inconvenience. We are looking into other, friendlier options.