I recently read an article on Christian Singles Today called "Just Friends?" with this tagline - Six singles weigh in on whether or not they think male-female friendships are possible
It's an old article that was linked on their recent email. I felt very sad after reading some of the entries in the article and I responded to the article with the following:
How can someone think that it is impossible to be friends with a person of the opposite sex?
As a believer, in our horizontal relationships with other believer (regardless of sex/age/ethinicity/cultural background/marital status), we are to:
"...treat younger men like brothers, older women like mothers, younger women like sisters, in all purity." 1 Tim 5:1b-2
and
"Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." 1 Peter 5:5
and
"Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind." 1 Peter 3:8
We are all a part of the family of Christ - every believer is a brother or sister! As singles, who feel they are lead to be married, there will be attractions to the opposite sex that are unavoidable. Until God leads to start developing a deeper relationship, all dealings with the opposite sex should be as to as brother or sister. Humility, brotherly love, tender heart, purity, and reliance on God are the keys!
Yes, you can and should have friendships with fellow believers of the opposite sex. We are part of the body!!
Disclaimer: I'm not bashing Christian Singles Today, I actually enjoy a lot of their articles, I just felt that this one particluar articles was a little off and required a response. What do you think? Am I off?
Posted by tomglass at January 18, 2007 03:34 PMI'm with you completely on this, Tom. Maybe it helps that I grew up in a family of 7 with five or six other family our size in our church! I have always had guys as friends - I would get invited over to their house by the brothers of my "friends".
I wouldn't trade the friendships with those guys for the world.
And more recently...a couple years ago we met a Christian family that we have built up a friendship with, and when their oldest son got married last week, I felt like I was watching my brother get married! :)
We actually had this conversation with my older brother last week - we were trying to decide if it was okay to tease and fight with other guys because we want to treat them like we do our brothers. j/k :)
Posted by: Heidi at January 18, 2007 04:02 PMsigh. that's it Tom, we can no longer be friends b/c if we are, we MUST be dating. sorry.
Posted by: gwen at January 18, 2007 05:38 PMi'll still be your friend, tom. i'm not dating anyone else right now, anyway. and besides, you bought me coffee at my favorite gv-brewery.
you did good. i'd like to see some older singles reply (like 40- and 50-year-olds whom some would consign to live the remainder of life with mono-gender friendships).
romans 1:12.
Heidi~ I was thinking further about this, and I realized that the vast majority of my friends are girls. I just get along better with females. =D And I wouldn't trade those friendships for the world either!
Gwen~ We both know you're secretly crushing on me, there's nothing to do but confess it. ;)
Joy~ I think we're kindred spirits. I liked you (as a friend) long before I ever met you in person! =D Thank you for that verse, I love it!
Posted by: Tom at January 18, 2007 11:28 PMyou're right. i'm in love with you. there. it's out.
Posted by: gwen at January 19, 2007 12:12 AMLove you too =D
Posted by: Tom at January 19, 2007 09:13 AMI've heard this sort of notion more than once and personally, I think that it's nonsense. After all, if you do feel led to marriage, how else are you to be able to get to know others if you don't engage in friendships with people of the opposite sex?
I've got a lot of friends that are guys and I love them all!
Posted by: Tiffany at January 19, 2007 01:05 PMTom,
As a married man, I totally agree with you.
First, I believe your use of Scripture is accurate.
Second, from personal experience. My wife and I met because of the friend of a friend. We were "just friends" for over two years before we started dating. I treated her as a sister until I was sure God wanted us to begin developing a deeper relationship. At that point, I asked her father for his permission to date her. After he gave permission, we began dating. We dated about 8 months and were engaged for about 14 months while my wife finished grad school.
We have now been happily married for a little over 3.5 years. But the foundation - in addition to Christ, of course - was built during that time of friendship.
Hope my comment's not too long.
Posted by: Matt at January 26, 2007 03:48 AMMatt, thanks for your comment! No comment is too long.
Posted by: Tom at January 26, 2007 09:14 AMTom,
I'm a 50-year old, but married. Of course, there are limits to how far I can go in friendships, but I think that the same rules apply. If I just limited myself to male friends, I think my world would be a bit colorless. Thanks for your comments. I do, however, feel that, in my position in ministry, I do have to be extremely careful not to offend or open myself to temptation. Something to think about!
Love you, DAD
Posted by: Dad Glass at February 19, 2007 07:21 AMPlease note: Comments will not appear immediately. Your comment will appear upon approval by the blog's editor. We had to implement this to decrease the amount of spam that our site receives. Please forgive the inconvenience. We are looking into other, friendlier options.