I had considered going out and doing a bunch of crazy stuff this evening (and by "crazy" i mean rockclimbing or coffee with friends...) but instead decided to go out to dinner with my totally awesome parentals and chill at home.
I've been sitting here wrapped up in an enormous comforter catching up on all of my friends' "real" blogs (facebook is nice but you can't beat a good old fashioned blog) and I also got reading through a bunch of my own old blog entries.
It's really interesting to read through a year or two of ones life and see the emotional and spiritual ups and downs. I love reliving some of the memories...some of them seem so long ago and some like they barely happened.
Evenings like this are good. < insert contented sigh here >
..I miss the old days when I actually had something meaningful to write about on my blog.
basically, when I was still in college.
I guess one of these days life will pick up again but I seem to be in some sort of lull at the moment...
I've had a little more time lately to spend just chilling out and I've spent a lot of it reflecting, praying and reading my Bible and a few other books. Recreational reading has become a luxury this semester as my brain has been taken up with so many school related things but I've really gotten into and begun to love the book "Why I Am A Christian" by John Stott. The very first chapter deals with being pursued by God and this particular section hit home with me:
"I had a notion that somehow, besides questing, I was being pursued. Footsteps padding behind me; a following shadow, a Hound of Heaven, so near that I could feel the warm breath on my neck...I was also in flight. Chasing and being chased; the pursuing and the pursuit, the quest and the flight, merging at last into one single immanence or luminosity...Yes, You were there, I know... How ever far and fast I've run, still over my shoulder I'd catch a glimpse of You on the horizon, and then run faster and farther than ever, thinking triumphantly: Now I have escaped. But no, there You were, coming after me...One shivers as the divine beast of prey gets ready for the final spring...There is no escape"
A year ago right now I was on a road to my own destruction. I had started my job at the Governor's School on fire and ready to make a difference and ended falling headlong into my own desires, my newfound freedom and the world in general. I had my parents in tears too many times as they watched the direction I was taking. Changes started small with my skirt going from just above the knee to mini but before long I was in the clubs wasting my God-given salary on drinks and empty frivolity. In the back of my head was the still small voice of my Savior pleading with me to turn back to him but in front of me was the brightly colored tents of Vanity Fair, drawing me in with all their glitz and glamour and pretty drinks. I continued in this way for some months and then one night, after coming back from who knows where, I sat down on my floor and cried. I was the prodigal. I was empty, not quite wallowing with pigs but surrounded instead by receipts from bars and piles of tiny skirts and plunging necklines. My Bible sat in the same place it had been for months and as I stared at it, I realized I didn't even remember how to pray or where to start reading. That night, the chase ended and I, weary from running, was caught up in the precious arms of my dear Lord.
It is only by the grace of God that I came out of that pit as unscathed as I did. He has brought me so far since then and not a day goes by that I am not in utter awe of his relentless pursuit of me. Stott summed it up in words far better than I can come up with:
"If we become aware of the relentless pursuit of Christ, and give up trying to escape from him, and surrender to the embrace of 'this tremedous lover', there will be no room for boasting in what we have done. There will only be room for profound thanksgiving for his grace and mercy, and for the firm resolve to spend time and eternity in his loving service."
..a very pleasant evening today.
edifying.
fun.
it's just been a good day all around.